Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
