i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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