She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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