Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
