Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
