I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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