One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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