Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
