Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
