the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
