im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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