Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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