Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
