How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
