Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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