is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
