I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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