you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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