I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
