I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
