I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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