Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
