I'm really into asian looking animals
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
