I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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