While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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