What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
