We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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