I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
