the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
