Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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