you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
