when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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