So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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