worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
