I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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