I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
