Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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