im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
