I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
