last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im six kinds of drunk right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
