Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
