Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
