The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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