I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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