I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
