There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
