he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
