i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
