Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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