grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
