So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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