Non-Jews are for practice
Say something about gay babies.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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