I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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