Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
