too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
