Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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