I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
