i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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