Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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(908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini

Replies (38) Good night (2054) Bad night (7777)
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(623): View more from Arizona

I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.

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(623): I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite. http://tfl.nu/mkl5

Replies (30) Good night (1410) Bad night (6001)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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(662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd

Replies (15) Good night (4480) Bad night (1047)
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(727): View more from Florida

josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

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(727): josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry. http://tfl.nu/3vhb

Replies (6) Good night (2800) Bad night (654)
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(214): View more from Texas

Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.

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(214): Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2. http://tfl.nu/7wyo

Replies (7) Good night (2283) Bad night (657)
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(530): View more from California

Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know

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(530): Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know http://tfl.nu/b7cw

Replies (4) Good night (490) Bad night (883)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."

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(901): I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower." http://tfl.nu/7vf5

Replies (4) Good night (1781) Bad night (532)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.

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(218): I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent. http://tfl.nu/0vft

Replies (25) Good night (2355) Bad night (740)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.

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(812): I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend. http://tfl.nu/7cvr

Replies (13) Good night (1737) Bad night (965)
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(302): View more from Delaware

This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.

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(302): This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/72c6

Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (316)
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(714): View more from California

Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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(714): Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick http://tfl.nu/zf2b

Replies (3) Good night (2314) Bad night (456)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us

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(403): The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us http://tfl.nu/rgjh

Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (351)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over

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(515): Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over http://tfl.nu/s97w

Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (387)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went

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(630): Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went http://tfl.nu/vz7s

Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (263)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.

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(+61): I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back. http://tfl.nu/04mr

Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (180)

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