If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
