can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms