I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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