Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
