I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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