Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
