return my video game
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
