the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
